This is the fifth edition, For Previous happenings in the series
Spring
As I walk now, I see a myriad of faces, talking, laughing,
bargaining, the season is ripe the winters are over and I can smell spring
ushering its own way, The bazaar is as colourful as it should be, oranges,
raspberries, apples and a tint of pear and peaches with strawberries in a
little corner, cabbages, carrots all water sprinkled, and the chat wallah
vending out the aroma of the season, It’s the season of "Basant" over here, It’s
the season of celebration, of bright hued colours of red, yellow, orange, blue and
green are more colourful and vibrant than ever, their flamboyance has turned
the sky golden pink, it’s the season to be happy, it’s a season to love………….to
lose and to gain…………..and to wait………….wait for the moments which I know will
never come but then I just want to be happy in the make belief that it will
come and wait for them……………..search amongst these faces the face I have so
longed to see that its now always with me…………… I am happy that I had my moments
and this one thing no one can ever take away from me as they are preserved in
my heart…….embedded in the deep recesses of my soul…………… I seek out faces
create a collage to make out one face I seek out colours and seek out that one
colour that has coloured me forever……..that has made my blood bleed in
different hues but red……………..I have been a seeker and all my life I don’t seek
life but moments in life…………as I don’t live a life…………I live those moments in
life………again and again till they become me and I lose my existence in them………
As I float by these scenes I remember a day in summer which
brought spring in my life…………short lived but it was spring…………..
(Image Courtesy Mrs. Basanti Ghosh (Maa)
15th May 2002: “You see I look at you in five
ways as a friend, a mother, as an elder sister, a younger sister
and………………….well my lover”
These last words sent shiver down my spine and make me go
all cold in a hot summer day- here is this person who has been my friend since
I was six and my every single strain of romantic emotion started and ended with
him……….his name brought in pleasure to my life “Arghya”-the water which
cleanses brought in my life a hope which had in it purity undefined…..his eyes
took me to a state of trance where I lost myself only to meet the person I
am…………………but these eyes were now looking through me piercing me deep to get into
my soul and I feel touched……….blessed…………but then how can I allow him to do
so………..he can’t read me he can’t know me its prohibited I can’t let this
happen………….It will break my family’s heart I can’t……….but at least I can live
in the moment while it still is here for me.
“Hey it’s raining!”
“I know it always rains here in Bengal” Arghya looked a bit
disappointed as in my excitement I had withdrawn my hand from his soft grip.
“But it doesn’t so often from where I come from…………… are you
coming out or not!”
“No ways………….”
“Ok as you wish…..your loss not mine”
Guess he was about to say something but then I couldn’t wait
after all I was all of fifteen and loved rains I stumbled down the stairs and
ran barefoot to the orchard straight to the pond and then cautiously climbed
down the steps making sure that I don’t fall as I don’t know how to swim. I
felt water touching my feet and slowly waded in the water, it was soothing and
the rain came out to be more incessant. The water was waist deep and I spread
my hands wide and my head facing the sky so that I can feel the raindrops
caressing me...................
I was there for maybe five minutes or so with my eyes closed
suddenly I felt a hand gripping my waist and whispering softly in my ears “You
don’t know how to swim………..if you fall you will die and I don’t want that turn
around and hold my hand I will love to take you to the far end if you have
faith in me to allow me to be the master of your life for a few moment”
I turn around and see Arghya holding me with concern and
seduction mingled in his eyes………..a lethal mix and I put my hands into his only
to be pulled in closer and start walking……..blankly, completely surrendering my
every iota of existence to him in that moment I stare at his wet brown toned
body and soak in the spiritual fire of my first mental orgasm, his eyes look
satisfied as for the first time they can see through my soul as I become
translucent only to mingle my existence into his…………knowing all the while that
my journey to nowhere starts from here…………knowing all the while it’s the
beginning of the death of my innocence…………..
“God! This winter seems to be never ending” I can’t make out
what Shahin is saying
“Its spring”
“Devu are you all right, Oh no! don’t go to your Blank phase,
look around you it was foggy all day and it was a bit clear just for an hour”
“Oh! I see, Tomorrow I have to go to my parent’s place”
“But you went a few days back, your seminar is day after tomorrow!” Shahin was clearly irritated
and couldn't gauge the reason of my frequent visits……….
This time I don’t answer her I quietly pack all that I have,
in my bag and stare blankly at everything…………No, I am not going to my parent’s
home………….I am going to nowhere..... to the doom......to the revival..........to avenge me...........to take a revenge on myself...........my innocence did cost a lot to me............
To be continued...................
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