"I am so much in love with you that I have grown numb to all the senses of emotions around me. I have with me now, a single strain of thought and some fragments of memory which always mingle into my dreams and now, when I stand here, thinking, my dreams and memories are all mixed up in some lethal concotion, which I consume to survive everyday and to die a little every day. I never wanted you to be near me as I always knew that you are synonymus to my doom but then I couldn't stop myself and I got seduced by myself to fall into this trap, the hoax of a relationship, I had with you and still so, stupidly continue to have with you while you have broken free of the shackles that binds me still now and I make sure it grips me tightly and asphixiates me by tightening all the loose knots and thus ensuring that my escape is unthinkable and my freedom is unacceptable. It gives me a high to suffocate my soul and to tear down my mind, to inflict my flesh with the invisible but mortal wounds of your touch. Isearch my body to see a scar that you might have left on me but I find none and then I see my soul scared by you and feel at peace."
The phone finally rings on the other end and I hold my breath tightly clutching the receiver as if my life depended on it, I impatiently hear the ring almost choking, waiting for him to pick it up. The telephone operator is intently starring at me and he should stare, I mean, it's like this; I come here often sit and pick up the receiver, rehearse and then either call or hang up, I was again rehearsing mumbling these lines to the 'imaginary him' whom my subconscious and unconscious has so perfectly built.
" Hello, who is this?" Comes a sharp and distinct voice from the other end, I gasp and all my confidence, all my rehearsals just vanishes in the thin year. I become the shaky one once again.
"Hello, who is this? Can you hear me?" He says it for he second time and I can feel a sharp prick in the roots of my hair, my hand instinctively goes and I scratch my scalp mildly.
"Is Rekha there?" I blurt out finally and in a hurry.
"No, it's a wrong number." A long pause after which he speaks again, "I know you are there.... I told you it's over, I am seeing someone else now. Why don't you just be more sensible and pragmatic and just move on; why? First you plead almost falling at my feet, seduce me, climb over me all naked and now you stalk me; really how mature! Oh God! What's wrong with you! Look it's simple I made a false promise all right, people do this from time to time to suit their needs,so, what's the big deal! What's all the fuss about? Trisha, can't you understand.......damn." The phone disconnects.
I am happy that I finally heard his voice after such a long time and I felt a bit more alive but then I realize he didn't recognize my voice I smile bitterly laughing at my own triviality and who is Trisha?......Oh that girl....yes, right. I get up calmly and ask for a bill, pay ten rupees extra as usual and quietly leave. I pat my cheeks, hand groom my hair, look into the watch......I am already late by two minutes and I hurry out of the station strap my back pack properly, tear the platform ticket, throw it into the dustbin.
To be continued......
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