In the Midst of all, Chapter-two Part Two; The Breeze

"Wow! someone's looking good today." said Mrinal dismantling the backpack off Devyani's shoulder while keeping a constant eye on her frame.

"After days of seminars, assignments and sleepless nights, I am looking sood. Yes, Why not?" Devyani smiled with her usual sarcasm and rolled her eyes.

"You didn't call for an entire month and then today you call me up asking if  I am free for the weekend and ask me to pack my bags, what's all this?" Mrinal enquired while searching Devyani's brown, almond shaped, symmetrical eyes.

"Wait and watch." said Devyani closing his eyes with her palm, so, that he doesn't read her, she hated that someone should go beyond her skin. "Come on we have to go" said Devyani.
"Where to!"
"Well... let's see"
Devyani rushed in the ticket booth her shoulder length hair, bouncing catching the wind around in it's vice like grip. Mrinal placed his eyes on Devyani's receding figure, her spine was beautiful and where it ended to meet her hipbone, it created a pool, a pool of carnal desires and no matter how ill fitting her clothes were to conceal her frame, her clothes somehow clinged to her body now and then. Her bones were the best part, she was not skinny, her frame didn't allow that, her bones were strong and stood out softly but prominently at the right places, her flesh and skin were wrapped around them to contradict it's strength with their softness, she was fair but was often had a copper hue to her because she tanned a lot, her skin radiated a soft glow and was soothingly cool to touch, the moment when Devyani touched Mrinal's eyes he felt her skin for the first time, it had some intoxication of sorts. She didn't have typical Bengali dove eyes but they were a bit on the smaller side, deep set, almond shaped, symmetrical, brown and intense but calm, her nose was funnily raised as if the first thing to bump on things and her lips had that perfect bow and oozed desire without her knowing, Mrinal craved for her, her body, he just wanted to feel her but so, far he had known her, that is for the last three months and teice they had met on a casual date, she was casual, laid back and was distant, detached and he didn't hope that they will grow closer than this ever, he was charming, women fell for him, he never had to try hard, he left women wanting more he had this X factor about him but he didn't know how to handle this lady and this made him crave like crazy for her, he wanted to possess her, tame her unruly soul and most of all feel her softness against his body's heat.

"Two tickets to Delhi Please" Drvyani chirped in with her usual beaming smile that made the grumpy man at the ticket counter smile. She grabbed the ticket and the change uttered a quick and hearty "Thank you"  and rushed in, no, she didn't run, she walked and walked real fast with her "sorry" and "excuse me" as usual.
"Here you are" said Devyani handing Mrinal his ticket.
"Delhi!?"
"Yessss! Delhi....let's go."
"But Honey...a cattle class ticket?....let's get an AC reservation."
"First, bees have not made me, so, I am not honey and second it's a three and half hour run  so, who needs an AC in winters? Let's rush, the train arrives in fifteen minutes."
Devyani takes the backpack off Mrinal's grip and walks on at her usual pace turns once "You are coming?" enquires "Why not, Sure." replies Mrinal shaking his head and smiling his beautiful and tranquil smile. "Crazy breeze" he thought about her as he caught pace.

The train came in and Devyani and Mrinal boarded and fished in two window seats they put their luggage at the top rack and settled in and stayed silent.

"You are beautiful." said Mrinal.
"I Know"
"What is it that you don't know." he said moving forward a little in her direction.
"Well tell me that I don't know of  as of now."
"You know you talk to much."
"Fine, then we part our ways on reaching Delhi or do you want me to take another seat?" said devyani smiling as she got up but Mrinal held her hand "Stay." he whispered.

Devyani shuddered, she remembered another whisper, years back.

"Don't whisper" she said sitting down.
"Why?"
"Just like that."
"you won't tell, I know you won't tell."
"You know that then why are you asking?"
"Don't know, maybe just want to know."
"You needn't know me, you will get what you want without that."
"What?"
"Nothing... the view outside window is nice."
Devyani looked out of her window and closed her eyes and started feeling the wind kissing her face while Mrinal sat there, staring and a bit unsure of the lady's intentions...

To be Continued ....

For earlier happenings visit:
Chapter-2 Part-I

In the Midst of All Chapter Two Part One The Dress Rehearsal

"I am so much in love with you that I have grown numb to all the senses of emotions around me. I have with me now, a single strain of thought and some fragments of memory which always mingle into my dreams and now, when I stand here, thinking, my dreams and memories are all mixed up in some lethal concotion, which I consume to survive everyday and to die a little every day. I never wanted you to be near me as I always knew that you are synonymus to my doom but then I couldn't stop myself and I got seduced by myself to fall into this trap, the hoax of a relationship, I had with you and still so, stupidly continue to have with you  while you have broken free of the shackles that binds me still now and I make sure it grips me tightly and asphixiates me by tightening all the loose knots and thus ensuring that my escape is unthinkable and my freedom is unacceptable. It gives me a high to suffocate my soul and to tear down my mind, to inflict my flesh with the invisible but mortal wounds of your touch. Isearch my body to see a scar that you might have left on me but I find none and then I see my soul scared by you and feel at peace."

The phone finally rings on the other end and I hold my breath tightly clutching the receiver as if my life depended on it, I impatiently hear the ring almost choking, waiting for him to pick it up. The telephone operator is intently starring at me and he should stare, I mean, it's like this; I come here often sit and pick up the receiver, rehearse  and then either call or hang up, I was again rehearsing mumbling these lines to the 'imaginary him' whom my subconscious and unconscious has so perfectly built.

" Hello, who is this?" Comes a sharp and distinct voice from the other end, I gasp and all my confidence, all my rehearsals just vanishes in the thin year. I become the shaky one once again.

 "Hello, who is this? Can you hear me?" He says it for he second time and I can feel a sharp prick in the roots of my hair, my hand instinctively goes and I scratch my scalp mildly.

"Is Rekha there?" I blurt out finally and in a hurry.

"No, it's a wrong number." A long pause after which he speaks again, "I know you are there.... I told you it's over, I am seeing someone else now. Why don't you just be more sensible and pragmatic and just move on; why? First you plead almost falling at my feet, seduce me, climb over me all naked and now you stalk me; really how mature! Oh God! What's wrong with you! Look it's simple I made a false promise all right, people do this from time to time to suit their needs,so, what's the big deal! What's all the fuss about? Trisha, can't you understand.......damn." The phone disconnects.

I am happy that I finally heard his voice after such a long time and I felt a bit more alive but then I realize he didn't recognize my voice I smile bitterly laughing at my own triviality and who is Trisha?......Oh that girl....yes, right. I get up calmly and ask for a bill, pay ten rupees extra as usual and quietly leave. I pat my cheeks, hand groom my hair, look into the watch......I am already late by two minutes and I hurry out of the station strap my back pack properly, tear the platform ticket, throw it into the dustbin.

To be continued......

For earlier happenings visit:
Chapter-1 Part-III

In The Midst of All Chapter One Part-Three Spring

 This is the fifth edition, For Previous happenings in the series

Chapter -1

Chapter 0

Chapter 1 Part I

Chapter 1 Part II

Spring

As I walk now, I see a myriad of faces, talking, laughing, bargaining, the season is ripe the winters are over and I can smell spring ushering its own way, The bazaar is as colourful as it should be, oranges, raspberries, apples and a tint of pear and peaches with strawberries in a little corner, cabbages, carrots all water sprinkled, and the chat wallah vending out the aroma of the season, It’s the season of  "Basant" over here, It’s the season of celebration, of bright hued colours of red, yellow, orange, blue and green are more colourful and vibrant than ever, their flamboyance has turned the sky golden pink, it’s the season to be happy, it’s a season to love………….to lose and to gain…………..and to wait………….wait for the moments which I know will never come but then I just want to be happy in the make belief that it will come and wait for them……………..search amongst these faces the face I have so longed to see that its now always with me…………… I am happy that I had my moments and this one thing no one can ever take away from me as they are preserved in my heart…….embedded in the deep recesses of my soul…………… I seek out faces create a collage to make out one face I seek out colours and seek out that one colour that has coloured me forever……..that has made my blood bleed in different hues but red……………..I have been a seeker and all my life I don’t seek life but moments in life…………as I don’t live a life…………I live those moments in life………again and again till they become me and I lose my existence in them………

As I float by these scenes I remember a day in summer which brought spring in my life…………short lived but it was spring…………..

(Image Courtesy Mrs. Basanti Ghosh (Maa)

15^th May 2002: “You see I look at you in five ways as a friend, a mother, as an elder sister, a younger sister and………………….well my lover”

These last words sent shiver down my spine and make me go all cold in a hot summer day- here is this person who has been my friend since I was six and my every single strain of romantic emotion started and ended with him……….his name brought in pleasure to my life “Arghya”-the water which cleanses brought in my life a hope which had in it purity undefined…..his eyes took me to a state of trance where I lost myself only to meet the person I am…………………but these eyes were now looking through me piercing me deep to get into my soul and I feel touched……….blessed…………but then how can I allow him to do so………..he can’t read me he can’t know me its prohibited I can’t let this happen………….It will break my family’s heart I can’t……….but at least I can live in the moment while it still is here for me.

“Hey it’s raining!”

“I know it always rains here in Bengal” Arghya looked a bit disappointed as in my excitement I had withdrawn my hand from his soft grip.

“But it doesn’t so often from where I come from…………… are you coming out or not!”

“No ways………….”

“Ok as you wish…..your loss not mine”

Guess he was about to say something but then I couldn’t wait after all I was all of fifteen and loved rains I stumbled down the stairs and ran barefoot to the orchard straight to the pond and then cautiously climbed down the steps making sure that I don’t fall as I don’t know how to swim. I felt water touching my feet and slowly waded in the water, it was soothing and the rain came out to be more incessant. The water was waist deep and I spread my hands wide and my head facing the sky so that I can feel the raindrops caressing me...................

I was there for maybe five minutes or so with my eyes closed suddenly I felt a hand gripping my waist and whispering softly in my ears “You don’t know how to swim………..if you fall you will die and I don’t want that turn around and hold my hand I will love to take you to the far end if you have faith in me to allow me to be the master of your life for a few moment”

I turn around and see Arghya holding me with concern and seduction mingled in his eyes………..a lethal mix and I put my hands into his only to be pulled in closer and start walking……..blankly, completely surrendering my every iota of existence to him in that moment I stare at his wet brown toned body and soak in the spiritual fire of my first mental orgasm, his eyes look satisfied as for the first time they can see through my soul as I become translucent only to mingle my existence into his…………knowing all the while that my journey to nowhere starts from here…………knowing all the while it’s the beginning of the death of my innocence…………..

“God! This winter seems to be never ending” I can’t make out what Shahin is saying

“Its spring”

“Devu are you all right, Oh no! don’t go to your Blank phase, look around you it was foggy all day and it was a bit clear just for an hour”

“Oh! I see, Tomorrow I have to go to my parent’s place”

“But you went a few days back, your seminar is day after tomorrow!” Shahin was clearly irritated and couldn't gauge the reason of my frequent visits……….

This time I don’t answer her I quietly pack all that I have, in my bag and stare blankly at everything…………No, I am not going to my parent’s home………….I am going to nowhere..... to the doom......to the revival..........to avenge me...........to take a revenge on myself...........my innocence did cost a lot to me............

To be continued...................

In the Midst of all Chapter One, Part two Outwards

For Chapter One Part One Visit: http://dattaghosh2211.blogspot.in/2014/04/in-midst-of-all-chapter-one-part-one.html

“That Discussion panel is biased” Shahin blabbering out her frustration of not giving an up to the mark presentation.

“It’s not biased. You didn’t sleep yesterday and you didn’t study. You were chatting out the night with your love of the life. So, dear you get some and you lose some” I said as a matter of fact.

“YES BECAUSE IT WAS OUR SEVENTH ANNIVERSSARY OF FIRST EYE CONTACT” Shahin turns to her ‘Oh so Bossy loud Whisper’ mode.

 This, kind of irritates me but then it’s cool.What I find amusing is her memory when it comes to remember the dates and her dementia when it comes to remember the dates of the tests.

Strange thing memory is, you remember only what you want to……………

“Why are you laughing………..it was important………….but then you-wont-understand! Never been in relationship………never been in love………..”Said Shahin, watching me laugh.

 Ouch that hurts but then it’s all right. I have never been in a relationship with a real human. It’s my dreams and just a fragment of my imagination. I have never been in love as I always am falling in love.

“Hey I am sorry I didn't mean it that way………I am sorry………you OK no? I mean that you understand that I understand that it’s not your fault right?” Shahin looked genuinely sorry but for what? Oh! guess my face turned serious without even for a reason that’s so typically me I sometimes don’t know what I mean or what I do.

“Don’t be, you are right I am not in love. Who wants to be in love? When you are addicted to the feeling of getting into something new.”

“You are a b-i-t-c-h” Shahin’s reaction when I point at the guy who is sitting to a table just before us and is staring at me………and now is smiling and what made him do that was a bit of motivation, as I call it usually

“Well he is coming right?..............How do you do this? Shahin just can’t help to not know

“Well its simple I fall in love with the person for that moment”

“And what do you get out of it?”

“Nothing just for fun”

“Going at this rate you won’t be able to commit”

“Who wants to……”

As I sit there blankly, flirting a song keeps on playing in my mind “Khela Ghor Bandhte Legechi Amar Moner Bhitore……Koto raat tai tohjegechi….bolbo ki tore”…………I am building a home of mere pretenses and hopes that will never get fulfilled deep within my heart…………..That’s the reason why I am Insomniac for so many nights………how to tell you this……..”

“Hi I am Lucky” this is how this guy comes up and introduces him

“Not yet” I know it’s cheesy but I say this as it looks and sounds good when flirting

“But want to” Oh my God! ‘Super cheesy alert’, this is going to be fun.

“I am Devyani” I extend my hand to a rather prolonged handshake…interesting

“Wow interesting name…what does it mean?” Nothing interesting in it, say it directly my profile is interesting

“Charioteer of the Gods” I could seeShahin eyeing me and criticizing me a hand full

“Guess Lucky I have to leave catch you some other time here or anywhere”

“But when?”

“When we meet again” I say it while looking back as I leave.

Shahin is angry and pissed off I guess but I like it…..God! I love Pissing off friends.

To be continued............

In the Midst of All- Chapter- One Part one Sunlight and Shadows

              

"The problem with love is that it’s love and can’t be altered or tailor made to suit our needs, times and time. Its relentless, unassuming, all loosing yet all usurping, all consuming, it destroys, breaks, makes  and keeps you guessing till the end"

“This is not how we can compare Romantic tragedies with Classical Tragedies” said Shahin, peeping into the scribble I had written on my seminar paper.

Now this is Shahin eternal nosy in her best avatar! Come on, what is her problem!

"I am doing my papers, all right. I know it’s my turn next I am almost finished and I scribbled some incoherent lines. What’s the big deal in that ! Why to make a fuss out of everything. I never say anything when she talks  the whole night out speaking sweet nothings to her boyfriend while I lay dreaming waking and doing what not." I think aloud but don't gather enough courage to speak out all these to her.
 

”HELLO YOUR TURN NEXT” She tunes into her ‘Oh so Bossy loud Whisper’ mode.

That’s enough of a provocation to make me speak out finally." Oh God! I know that..it’s over, see! I was writing all the while.”

“Yes but were you concentrating?”

“YESSSS” I shout back in Whisper

“Ok as you wish and think” now here’s my submissive girl (no pun intended I guess)

Ok now the moment of truth, my presentation, as I walk towards the Dias I see eyes scrutinizing me trying to guess what is in my mind but these eyes don’t turn me on as those eyes did and will always do but they are making me nervous….

“So Here is Miss Devyani Roy, with her paper hot and fresh straight out of the oven. So good for the health” Miss NJ with her sugar coated sarcastic voice which you love to hear but kind of hate to listen at least now.

 But then love costs even when it’s a dream but then who was it who was there in the end………..I know him but why he? Well let’s quit it and present the paper.

I quit my train of thoughts and present the Paper. 

“Comparison Between Oedipus and Jakarta – Oedipus Rex and Antony-Cleopatra –Antony Cleopatra”

My paper and as I read out aloud I can hear people sniggering. I know an odd subject to speak on but human relations are a bit confusing, aren't they?

“Cleopatra was a woman whose appeal, as believed never lied in her face but in her brains, she manipulated her way to Marc Antony’s heart but then chose to stay there. Their relation was mature but at the same time passionate and passion was what consumed them, their success and everything around but then they were happy to be destroyed may be knowing all the while the outcome bonded them in a lethal bond. But if we see Oedipus an Jakarta share a mature and fulfilled relation they are parents of two children and look after a land but they live the doom everyday without even knowing it, so for one its Knowledge that is bliss but for other ignorance is bliss……..”

God this paper is getting on my nerves wondering how my listeners are even liking it………………..

………….Oedipus the man who made that land fertile again in which he was sown. Anger is bad. It drastically changes your life in a moment's notice sometimes and sometimes knowledge is the poison which ignorance was saving you from.

What  would have happened if Oedipus never knew the truth? The plague would have ended and he would have reigned on. He would have reigned on with his wife. Not knowing the entire life that his children were his brother and sister and his wife was also his mother. Was it for him he had to know or it was for the world to be warned?  But then tragedies are made to warn us, to ward off our inner demons before they devour us but what’s  so wrong if we enjoy being devoured. We enjoy being destroyed, ravaged. What if pain soothes us?

“Excellent write up Devyani Roy” Rathore Sir, the first to criticize the last to praise; the perfect teacher.

Today his words brought me out of my trance. Turns out I had given my paper well and I could feel it but I can’t recall……..my brain was working hard at it while my soul was somewhere else, talking to my mind. I felt lost……….maybe forever……………..

To be Continued............

For Chapter Zero, Prologue

 http://dattaghosh2211.blogspot.in/2014/04/in-midst-of-all-chapter-zero-prologue.html

For Chapter Minus One,  Beginnings
 http://dattaghosh2211.blogspot.in/2014/04/in-midst-of-all-chapter-minus-one.html

Photo Credits: Datta Ghosh.

In Midst of All- Chapter-Zero, Prologue

This is the second part in the story for earlier part and happenings visit Chapter- Minus One, Beginnings

http://dattaghosh2211.blogspot.in/2014/04/in-midst-of-all-chapter-minus-one.html

"Now what was that?" was her first reaction.

 She scanned the scene around her. The first thing she noticed was a stagnant ceiling fan and then she felt that she was perspiring heavily. There was no one in the room, she was alone. She scanned the window, it was dawn. She intently looked towards the door and strained her eyes but to no avail, no one there.........

Then it slowly came to her; she was dreaming. She was sleeping and it took her some time to come to the reality from her sleep. For the first few seconds (even minutes) she could not gather where she was,what time,year it was, what was she doing and even who exactly she was?................

"But then,......Oh my God! I slept and my paper............. its i-n-c-o-m-p-l-e-t-e and who will help me?? Oh me, myself, how can I be so stupid??" was her first normal strain of thought seeping in slowly in her conscious self and this was enough to bring her back into reality.

 She felt a cold chill running down her spine, her flesh burning under her skin. She rubbed her palm against her arms vigorously to ward off that feeling; the burning sensation but no, it didn't do off. Her heart started to sting a bit and then she closed her eyes to gulp in a deep breath but it won't come to her.

It has been like that since she could remember..........It has been there with her..........and the best and worst of it.......she knew what it exactly was? it was an anxiety attack setting her teeth into her very conscious.......

In the Midst Of All- Chapter- Minus One, Beginning

                                                         


"What is your life?........Is it what you live or is it what you feel........." asked he, while looking suddenly and intently at me as if trying to strip search my soul. As he says that the only option now was to look at the blue lake and smile without giving an answer. His questions, I knew will never meet my answers. I was living flexibly in a brittle life, living every moment as it passed by.

There was silence for I don't know what span of time but it was between eternity and a few seconds. 

Then he looked towards the lake and smiled and said breaking the silence "You talk in midst of your silence using the air around you as words" 

 This time I don't look at the blue lake, I look at him, I soak into his stare for as long as I can. At this moment I know he is mine and this I know for sure but the next moment he might be not mine. I don't know and I don't bother anymore. I let my soul feel his amorous stare touch it's existence and let myself live completely for the moment.

But then all good things have a limit otherwise they loose their essence and wander aimlessly. So, I stand and expose my glistening and shimmering diamond of a body to the mellow sun while my feet were digging slowly in the pure white shimmering sun. I look at him and smile. My moment with him is over for now. My thirst for his intimacy around my existence is quenched for now. I don't need him, he is poison for me now. 

I dive. My body feeling the luke warm water of the lake as if it is a soft blue silk.  I swim just like a dolphin coming out and diving in. Above me is a sky as blue as it should be and has never been. A sense of serenity and thrill engulfs me and then I see the white mountain.  I see him again there but only this time he has a different face still trying to strip me down to search my soul........

But then I shout "It’s no use I will not let you know me.......love me.......caresses me..........where it matters the most........."  Then I hit something.................and think "Now what was that?..............